i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
