Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
