Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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