true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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