TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
