standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
