When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
