That's when you crack a 10am beer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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