I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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