I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
