So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
