I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
