It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
