I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
