please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
