she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
