apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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