I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
