It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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