I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
