She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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