Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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