I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
