If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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