We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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