I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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