every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
