Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
