i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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