didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
