Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
