We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
