I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
