And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
