He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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