Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
