and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
