This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
