no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
