she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
