i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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