ya dads aren't the best wingmen
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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