So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
