and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
