Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
