One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
