We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
