you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
