i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
