she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
