I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she peed on how many people?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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