This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
