Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
